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Does Subscription Underwear Make Sense?

by Nick Hutton | | | 0 Comments

A man’s life is made up of many one-percenters. When one of these is not ticked, it has a small impact. When many of them are not ticked, it has a substantial impact. Subscription business models (subscription underwear included) exists to automate these small victories for the common man – and inject a shot of confidence to start every day.

Does subscription underwear make sense?

A former university lecturer would walk into class once a month, he'd have a huge grin on his face and exclaim ‘no better feeling than a fresh haircut and a new pair of undies!’ We could see he had a new hairdo, and we assumed he was not lying about the new underwear. Plus the smile he was wearing on his face could not be the result of anything other than the feeling of fresh cotton.

It led us to think – do you actually get to enjoy that new underwear feeling anywhere near enough? I mean, how often do you go to the shops knowing that you need new underwear – and then forget? They’re not essential enough to go back for them, but they are essential enough that you’ll feel a little bit down next time they are needed.

Can you remember a time that you woke up, and had no option but to put a pair of undies on that belongs in the bin? You know the type, full of holes, slightly see through, cotton strings dangling 10cm lower than they should. Then you start thinking to yourself ‘is this the sign of a successful life…can you imagine Barack Obama walking around in undies like these?’ The answer is no, a big fat, simple, authoritative, forceful NO. Putting underwear on like this, is not the sign of a successful life. (If you thought otherwise, you are in stage 5 desperate need of attention – please immediately visit our Home Page, or email us and we’ll give you some counselling).

The smartest man in the world agrees with subscription undies

We know what you’re saying now, ‘you guys have to say that because you love subscription undies.’ Well you know who else loves subscription undies – only the person that many refer to as the smartest and most successful in the world, Warren Buffet. His business Fruit Of The Loom started selling underwear by subscription in late 2017 because it ‘makes sense’ https://www.bloomberg.com/news/articles/2017-11-30/buffett-s-fruit-of-the-loom-tries-on-subscription-underwear).

Add to this validation that a lot of your purchasing these days is done via subscription – think Netflix, Spotify, The Age, Daily Telegraph - and and it would seem so silly that anything you purchase NOT on subscription, is the wrong way.

So you're now convinced subscription underwear is the way forward - great! We now want to look at whether any type of subscription will do, or you need a more tailored solution. The answer – just like a good ole pair of comfy tackle wrappers – is that one size does not fit all. There are many components that go into a subscription package, and you need the perfect balance of making it easy to sign up and choose.

The underwear themselves

For obvious reasons, let’s look at the most important component first: the underwear. You need to wake up in the morning knowing you will have the full support of your underwear drawer. Whether it’s Sunday night or Tuesday morning, you want a strong, comfortable pair that doesn’t have any holes!

You need the Monday – Friday underwear, not the latest inner-thigh-tastic-made-from-banana-plant flash-in-the-pan fabric that your mum’s cousin's stepson's teacher said was trendy. You need the fabric that has been there for you since the beginning of underwear – cotton. Ever since you started underwear (age 1.4 for some, age 6 for others), there is a 98% chance it was cotton. It’s what you and your skin know, it’s the most durable in activity, in lounging, in working. It’s the best. It holds up in the wash, you can sleep in it, you can wear it to work, you can wear it out – everyone loves it!

We tested all the different fabrics – bamboo, modal, Egyptian cotton – and we spoke to hundreds of suppliers. The overwhelming response for best value for money, comfortable, resilient fabric was cotton. And Junkmail underwear is made from the highest quality cotton that is available.

So getting the fabric right is an important start, but there are plenty of uncomfortable cotton underpants out there aren’t there? You are right. You may notice a lot of the uncomfortable cotton out there feels more like cardboard. Therefore, picking the highest quality cotton is a great start. But beyond that: the cut, the fit, the band are all key components – and you need to get them all right. That’s why we tested with our mates, our family, with people we didn’t know – all in all hundreds of people – to make sure that everyone would be happy. We then had a third-party international company (Intertek Pty Ltd) test the fabric to ensure it will hold up in all conditions. This has led to an underwear that a majority of men will love to own.

Briefs of Trunks

Briefs are the classic male underwear, the one that our fathers wore, and our fathers fathers, and our fathers fathers fathers – you get the picture. They are classic for a reason, they are great jocks whether you want to go to work, or play sport. Trunks are the new kid on the block – they are also the most popular kid on the block. Everyone owns a pair of trunks these days, and with good reason. They look great, they feel great, the hold everything in place and they look great. Did we mention they look great? If you want to go for a long run, briefs are probably your friend. But if you want to look good in front of the ladies, the trunks are your guys. Both briefs and trunks are not like the Telstra network – they’ll support you 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

The Look

Now you’ve selected the right cut for your jib, you’ll need to settle on the look you’re going for. While many men may not care exactly what they look like – it is a vital factor when developing the underwear (they are UNDERpants after all). If a man is stocking his underwear drawer full of undies with holes and loose cotton strings, do you think he is fussed about having tigers, rhinos or crazy fandangle patterns on them? It’s very likely to be a ‘no’ from our perspective.

They want a timeless classic, an underwear that will be looking great whether it’s 1985 or 2030. This is why Junkmail selected the block colours, with a white band and understated logo on the front. The red Junkmail tag offers just a little ‘pop’ for those looking to stand out. It is also not so ‘showy’ that it will be a cause for concern. Let’s just remember, they are UNDERpants.

How often do you need delivery?

There you go, the underwear is sorted, so now it’s all about the delivery frequency. And do men know how regularly they need new jocks? The short answer for most, is no.  Think of a typical male underwear drawer – are they full of fresh undies you’d be proud to put on? Or are they full of various pieces of cotton that somehow hold together to call themselves ‘underwear?’

We’ve already covered off how uncomfortable putting on these cotton strings can be. But have you thought about what it does for your confidence? Picture yourself going out for a nice dinner with a group of friends, you have to bend over to pick up something someone dropped, and your shirt rides up to reveal holes all over your behind. All of a sudden, the girl you were sitting next to goes cold. And you know what, who can blame her? Is having holes in your underwear the sign of a successful life? We will ask this once again, can you imagine Barack Obama parading around in holey underwear?

Take this a step further with a simple question, have you ever thought about the germs accumulating wear after wear? Think a warm summers' night out, to a run around the park. Or imagine a day in the office where the air conditioner is broken? And if you think the washing machine is fool-proof, visit our previous article How Regularly Do You Need To Update Your Underwear Drawer?

Our (slightly biased but completely reasonable) recommendation

We recommend 3 new pairs of underwear delivered to your door every 3, 4 or 6 months. If you are an Active Jenny, we would highly recommend the 3 month timeframe, as these will need to be recycled quickly. However, if you’re more a Netflix and Chiller, we’d suggest the 6 month option may suffice. Don’t forget, there is no better feeling than a fresh haircut, and a new pair of undies.

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