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Rural Australian Computer Terminology

A little bit of Aussie culcha....
LOG ON Adding wood to make the barbie hotter.l
LOG OFF Not adding any more wood to the barbie.
MONITOR Keeping an eye on the barbie.
DOWNLOAD Getting the firewood off the Ute.
HARD DRIVE Making the trip back home without any cold tinnies.
KEYBOARD Where you hang the Ute keys.
WINDOW What you shut when the weather's cold.
SCREEN What you shut in the mozzie season.
BYTE What mozzies do.
MEGABYTE What Townsville mozzies do.
CHIP A bar snack.
MICROCHIP What's left in the bag after you've eaten the chips.
MODEM What you did to the lawns.
LAPTOP Where the cat sleeps.
SOFTWARE Plastic knives & forks you get at Red Rooster.
HARDWARE Stainless steel knives & forks - from K-Mart.
MOUSE The small rodent that eats the grain in the shed.
MAINFRAME What holds the shed up.
WEB What spiders make.
WEBSITE Usually in the shed or under the verandah.
SEARCH ENGINE What you do when the Ute won't go.
CURSOR What you say when the Ute won't go.
YAHOO What you say when the Ute does go.
UPGRADE A steep hill.
SERVER The person at the pub who brings out the counter lunch.
MAIL SERVER The bloke at the pub who brings out the counterlunch.
USER The neighbour who keeps borrowing things.
NETWORK What you do when you need to repair the fishing net.
INTERNET Where you want the fish to go.
NETSCAPE What the fish do when they discover the hole in the net.
ONLINE Where you hang the washing.
OFFLINE Where the washing ends up when the pegs aren't strong enough.